I kind of feel like my world is upside down right now
Yesterday I spent some time with my 13 yo niece. I haven’t seen her since summer and I was not prepared for the shock that met my eyes: black eye liner, eye shadow, slightly padded bra and when she bent over –yeah you guessed it – T-bars.
First off, I am all for style and letting kids express themselves.
I was just shocked because it seemed like a BIG change in just a few short months.
When I asked her about her new look, she answered like it was obvious, “I want boys to like me.”
My heart broke. This was my tree climber, pancake flipper, saver of lost dogs and threatened insects (she’s been known to try to capture all the flies in the house before her father wacks them)
I love personal style and unique looks. But shouldn’t a kid pick a look because THEY like it?
But tell me, do any 13 year old boys tell their classmates –I’d really like you better if you had a bit more eyeliner?
The flip side is my Ashton. He was sitting in the backseat with two buddies and we stopped at a red light. They all noticed a girl walking across the street. At the time, I thought she was 15 or 16, but maybe she was younger. One of the boys made a comment to Ashton and he said something to the effect, “I could never get a girl like that.”
I was pretending not to listen.
Half of me wanted to say – you are so special you can be with any amazing wonderful beautiful female
And the other half was thinking – girls are not meant to be ‘got’
Last night I was in a waiting room flipping through a magazine (it was a couple of years old) and there was an article about guys telling their greatest turn ons. One guy said (paraphrasing) I knew I was going to dump my girlfriend soon and decided I should have sex with her one more time. I was just uninhibited and let myself go and it was the best sex ever.
His best sex (and the only time he was himself in bed with her) was with someone he didn’t want to see again?!
So, here’s the truth:
I don’t want my niece never to go out with boys
I don’t want my son to think an attractive girl won’t be attracted to him
But, more than that - - - I want them (and all kids) to grow up learning to form positive relationships. I hope they will have great friends of both genders and when they do have crushes and relationships it will be with people who they have a lot in common with, who bring out the best in them, and who they feel truly comfortable around.
I hope that they never grow up to be like that guy in the magazine.
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