Simmering and Smoking

One sweet Saturday afternoon when our baby was one and the boys were 4 & 7, we employed the movie hypnosis trick that I blogged about here . Cassie was asleep. The boys were in movieland and I gave them the instructions, “Unless one of you are bleeding or the house is on fire, do not disturb Mommy and Daddy.” And I grabbed William from the kitchen and pulled him down the hall into the bedroom. And afterward we fell asleep.

It was the really good drool-a-river-out-of-your-mouth kind of daytime sleep.

Until we were interrupted by Aston knocking on our door.

I woke up in Mommy mode. “What are you doing? Is someone bleeding? Is there a fire?”

Ashton was silent. Brice got up the courage to inform us, “smoke, smoke, smoke.”

William had been cooking something up in the kitchen (before he started cooking in the bedroom) and it had burnt to a crisp, even the handles of the big pot were melted and warped.

William: It was just supposed to simmer. How long did we sleep?

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Tip 3: No TV

The best thing for our s3x life ever is limiting TV to the extreme. Ashton (our oldest) didn’t even know what TV was until he was about three years old. When he was six and Brice three, William and I found we could hypnotize the boys using movies.

We would set them up in front of the TV with instructions – unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire, don’t disturb Mommy and Daddy’s nap. [Once something did catch fire during one of the mommy-daddy nap sessions, but I’ll save that for another post]

Of course, when Cassidy came around it became much more difficult to find movies that would keep all of their attention (all three kids are three years apart – there are few movies that a 3 yo girl will love that will also keep the attention of a 9 yo boy!) But we make it work. Pick two movies, kids (see how much Mommy and Daddy love you?)

We watch TV very carefully (though the kids are 6, 9 & 12 now). William is addicted to a sports team, but he only watches on his laptop in the office and claims to be working. The TV stayes behind the closed doors of our entertainment center during the day. We only crack it open after they are all asleep. Friday night we have 'family movie night' make popcorn and pick a movie everyone will like.

Another advantage to limited viewing is that because the TV is never on, it is never a struggle in our daily life with the kids asking to watch this or that and us saying ‘no’. The answer was always ‘no’ unless Mommy and Daddy turn on the magic TV make our escape.

FYI if you can find the old versions of some movies, they are much longer than the movies put out today – Chitty Little Bang Bang is almost two hours.

Know any good long movies?

I Lie

This is supposed to be a blog about love and life and really making the most out of your love life…but it is also about love and relationships and parenting.

And, the truth is, I lie.

I lie to William and I do it in front of the kids. (He doesn’t read this blog –thank God)

It goes like this:
William gets upset about little things (usually little things caused by little humans).
And I can’t stand them getting yelled at for virtually nothing.
So, I take the blame.

But it is stupid. Because they know I’m lying to cover for them. And, I suspect, sometimes he knows I’m lying too.

I guess I think that each bout of yelling I eliminate it will lead to a more peaceful house. It’s not like this happens all the time – sometimes a week goes by and it doesn’t happen. Other times twice in one week.

I remember when the kids were little, we decided we wouldn’t raise our voices unless it was important –so they would know a loud noise from us means danger. With everything else –teaching them language, giving them directions, we would try to be polite and respectful. They were little tiny beings, still trying to figure out the world.

But, now that they are older, we (I grouch too, not only William) raise our voices more.

Yes, kids can be frustrating. VERY VERY frustrating. But why yell about little things?
Who left the light on?
Why is the honey still sitting on the table?
I thought I said to put (whatever) away!
Why am I tripping over these toys?

So, I just say, “I did it.” “I’m sorry, it was me, I’ll clean it up.”

It is odd. Because I think I’m ‘strong woman.’ Strong Mama. But when I read over what I just wrote, I have one thought only: Am I the biggest wimp in history? Or what?

Tip 2: The Movie Rule

Do you actually have time to watch a movie together?

Kids are asleep? Away?

LUCKY YOU!

Don’t forget the movie rule: S3X first -> movie second

Why?

Because chances are one or both of you are going to fall asleep before the movie is over
…and…
Some movies are gross. If there is any chance a movie is going to make you feel –sad sad sad or feel like barfing your brains out then you will not be in the mood for romance.

S3XinthePantry is all about romance

So….get it on before you push play (unless you’re watching that other kind of movie)

TIP 1: S3X in the Pantry!

Yeah, really

Your kids won't look for you there

If you are seriously afraid they will come looking you can:
-lean against the door
-get a real lock for the door
-invest in a simply chain lock